Get rid of anything that offends. Try to reconcile with anyone who offends. The greatest person does not think himself to be too big to do this.

In a previous post I said we would get to handling offenses later in the chapter. We have learned that offenses (scandals) will happen. We have learned that we should get rid of anything that causes us to participate in scandalous behavior. (I should add cell phones to the list of possible stumbling blocks now that cell phones have almost the functionality of traditional personal computers.) Now we turn to how to handle people who offend.

Jesus states that His mission is “to save that which was lost.” He was often criticized for associating with the lost. But His ministry resulted in saving many of those lost souls. He calls us to do the same. We should not allow ourselves to be corrupted by the culture of lost people. But rather we should use our influence to transform their culture into the culture of God’s kingdom.

The story of the lost sheep is often told in the context of Jesus searching out the unsaved and bringing them into the fold of salvation. It has that meaning. But in the context of Matthew 18, it means much more. Remember that the sheep was a member of the flock. That is, this person, symbolized by the lost sheep, is a church member who has gone astray. When the church member went astray, the shepherd (pastor) left all other matters and went after the lost church member. Jewish leaders in the days of Jesus loved to point out the faults of Jews (and Gentiles) who had gone astray, but they made little effort to help the straying sheep return to the fold. Jesus said that the loving pastor will let all other matters go in order to bring the lost church member back into the flock. And once the lost soul returns, it will cause him more joy than anything else in his ministry.

Humans are not entirely like sheep. When you go after them to bring them back, sometimes they resent it. Sometimes they will tell you to leave them alone. Sometimes they will reject you, do what they can to make your life miserable. Even if they listen, the mere thought of going after someone and telling them they need help can be frightening. I know. I am in that situation right now. By God’s grace, I will be of help to the sheep who are straying. My worst fears aside, I know by faith that following the instructions of Jesus will bring joy and salvation. “Following the book” always works better than doing what I think I want to do.

Having set the tone of restoring the lost sheep, Jesus goes on to tell how to handle someone who sins against you. Jesus gives very specific instructions. Behind these instructions are a few principles: (1) Be prepared to forgive. (2) Talk with the person face to face. (3) Involve as few people as possible.

(1) Be prepared to forgive. God’s purpose is forgiveness and reconciliation, and that should be my purpose. God has given me eternal life instead of the wages of sin. He has set the example of love and forgiveness. I can do no less. Peter thought he was being generous when he suggested that we should forgive a person up to seven times. Jesus says that in light of what God has done for us, we should always forgive a person who sincerely asks for it. By his example on the cross Jesus shows that we should also forgive those who do not ask for it. (Luke 23:34.) If I am unwilling to forgive others, it will destroy me. In the end, God cannot forgive me if I do not forgive others.

The word “forgive” means “let go.” Let go of the grudge. Let go of the right to revenge. Let go of the feelings of hatred. It does not mean that there are no consequences. You might take steps to make sure the person cannot hurt you again. There may need to be protective boundaries put around the person to accommodate for a personal weakness. The government may choose to prosecute, if appropriate. But having done that, you go on with life and do not let the previous offense bother you. Regardless of whether consequences are meted out, you forgive and go on.

Finally, if someone refuses to listen and be reconciled, then we are to treat that person as a heathen. But how are we to treat the heathen. “Call sinners to repentance.” Extend the invitation for salvation. Invite him to church. Like all the unsaved, he may attend the church meetings, but will not be taken back into church membership until he bears “fruits meet for repentance.” (Matthew 3:8.)

(2) Talk with the person face to face. Communication experts tell us that only 7 percent of communication is in the words. Some 40 percent of the communication is in the tone of voice. Better than half of the communication is in the physical gestures. So if you confront the person by letter, there is a better than 90 percent chance that you will be misunderstood. To put it another way, you would have to spend 10 hours carefully crafting a letter with words to mean the same as what you could convey in person in, say, 45 minutes. The telephone conveys both words and tone of voice. That is still less than half of the communication. The best policy is what Jesus says: “Go [to him] and tell him.” A personal, one-on-one conversation gives the best chance for full communication and reconciliation.

(3) Involve as few people as possible. Many people, when offended, will tell anybody who will listen about how bad so-and-so was to them. The Christian should take no part in this. If someone starts to bad-mouth somebody else, I should tell the person that I will not listen to any of it until he has first gone and spoken personally to the person who offended him. If he has talked and found no reconciliation, then I should listen only if I can be helpful as a mediator.

Finally, if the person refuses to repent of his wrong, the whole church should be told. The reason for telling the church is not to spread gossip, but so that all the members may make an effort to restore the erring church member. Sometimes a person who would not listen to two or three people will be impressed with the gravity of their situation if the whole church unites in asking them to repent. The church is the highest authority in God’s kingdom on earth. If the church has submitted to the leadership of the Holy Spirit, then it is a grave mistake not to listen.

Jesus says that the church that submits to His leadership will be making exactly the same decisions on earth as those that are being made in heaven. Not only that, but if any two committed Christians agree on something and pray for it, it will be done. Basically, no one of us can exclusively trust our own judgment. But if after careful study there is an agreement among God’s people, then they can assume that to be the teaching of the Holy Spirit. But we must be careful to study the Bible to find out if what we are asking for is according to God’s will. (1 John 5:14.)

As a last resort, the unrepentant person should be removed from church membership. The person should be considered to be a lost sheep that should be brought back into the fold if possible.

One final note: Jesus does not say to tell the heathen about the faults of any Christian. Paul says that we should suffer wrong rather than drag our problems before the heathen. (1 Corinthians 6:1-8.) The church has sometimes been criticized for following such a policy. But if the church is faithful in following Christ’s instructions, then opportunity for misunderstanding will be minimized. If people remember that their spiritual decisions have eternal consequences, they will have much more fear for the judgments of the church of God than of the judgments of any earthly court.

The point for my today: Forgive anyone who offends me. Try to reconcile with the offender. Keep the matter as private as possible. Seek to save the lost.